So many songs promise those words; words which were perfect expressed by their authors at some peak of bliss or hope. I look at my life--- future looks bright, yes--- and yet as an afterthought, I'm not so sure after all.

In my Palm right now, Jason Mraz is crooning how nice it is to sleep all day and I totally disagree. I sleep all day everyday (and work like sh*t all night) I have yet to feel anything close to similar, much less write some prose about it. Oh yeah, I forgot... In his song, his Love is beside him. I don't have that necessary ingredient, neither during the day nor the night, not even on any given minute. So many people say I'm lucky, that I have so many things to be grateful about. Not that I'm not, but that's beside the point. Even with the things around me right tnow that should supposedly complete me, I still need somebody. That I'm a romantic by nature worsens it all. Because at the end of every day, everybody needs somebody to tell that everything will be alright. To whisper in their ear that tomorrow will be better than today, or something to that effect, which can ease one's heart.

I used to have my Honey. He says I still have him now although NOT and I believe him because i feel it. He believes I can take on the world easily because I'm this amazing and beautiful cum laude.

So we go back to the back to the most basic truth here that I'm really this worldly ambitious creature which is a complete 360-degree turn to his sublime mission and outlook in life. I doubt if we would even last that long had he stayed considering that we have such opposing views (that question also takes up most part in most of my musings). But I had understood his very basic essence eversince the beginning--- all the more with him to me--- and yet we risked falling... loving... (still do now?!). He says those words highlighted above, too.

And don't say God, please, I had enough of it. I don't mean this in an unholy way, but if you had read ME before, you would know why. I pray to Him and ask him always why He allows me to love His soldier. I ask Him to send my heartfelt wishes to him in ways no text messages nor PLDT 10-peso-per-call promo can. I don't want him back but neither go away totally as well.

This is supposed to be my blog already (because another one is dedicated all about Honey) and yet half my posts are still of him today? And so I'm back to where I was at two days before Christmas two years ago.

How am I supposed to assure myself more that I'll be fine? I'm quite impulsive and contradicting by my own that sometimes I get truly scared of what I can think of and do when given the right provocation. He had, even in such short time, balanced me in means he only knows how. I don't trust my own flexibility in understanding things and accepting new changes. I sometimes wish I can be like my sister, comfortable in stable environments although leading to close-mindedness to a fault.

I'm a rather complicated woman needing an engaging yet boring man (not bore as in bear as in help me 'bear a son'... heller! I don't need a seed... not yet anyway). I shoo ogres out for their own good and sanity. I thought Pangga would be different and where is he now? I've made him fall back to his books and wish back his freedom.

And will I even get contented should I find a stable relationship in the first place? The past men in my lives are so unfair, they didn't even allow me to find that out myself through them. Of course I could always reason out that I'm young, and yet when you think about it some girls of my age can even brag of a 7-year-and-still-going-strong relationship!

I'm just feeling faithless... and I can do nothing about it but sigh. 

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Txtm8 kuno: "Hi, can u b my txtm8?"

TQ: "Maybe n d nxt lyftym. Have a nice lyf. Bye"

Txtm8 kuno: "Paki-tagalog po kc hindi ko maintindihan. nagtatanong lng po kung kelan ang grad dyan sa gonzales."

TQ: "That was not tagalog, that was ENGLISH. u knw, english, the universal language? evrybody is suposed 2 understand 8"

Txtm8 kuno: "Ok, im jst asking if kelan ang graduation dyan sa gonzales. im RHEA's sister. of course i know dat ENGLISH is our universal language."

TQ: "guess wat? im nt an information booth, so i dnt knw. n d only rhea i knw s RHEA ALCOHOL. but 8 was a comfort knwing u at least knw d universality of english."

Txtm8 kuno: "If im n0t mistken r u JIMBOY ryt?wer r u from?sori f u get me wr0ng if i askd dat question 2 u.how old r u?wer did u studying?"

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After that last text she (seems to be a 'she') sent, I got so exasperated I didn't reply anymore. I guess that was the best solution to shut her up after all. For one, we don't seem to speak the same language. And two, she just would never give up on insisting on the idea that we could possibly have some sort of association before. And wow, bilib ko, naa pa siya'y gana makipag-ila-ila sa taw nga bag-o lang nang-insulto niya? hehehehe...